Monday, September 17, 2012

Tourist Central

Ashley on the water bus in Venice drinking a watermelon smoothie... being a tourist... in the background there are several Russian, Chinese, Japanese and American children wail crying...  only one local was riding this boat... he was the driver... no doubt dreaming about crashing into a wall and killing us all.

After we departed the tourist boat we stopped at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum... she was also a tourist with a fancy modern art collection... the house was beautiful... and so were the gardens... she had more money than the average tourist.

Every few minutes a water bus would go by rammed with tourists... floating down the smelly river.

Ashley in a tourist free zone... being a tourist.

Around every corner there is a beautiful church full of tourists.

The tourists above now have hepatitis c from walking in flooded San Marco Square... this is the same water in the dirty river which I later urinated in... bad tourist!

This is me trying to digest the bad tourist food I just ate... Ashley got food poisoning from this fine establishment... proving that Italy does have bad pizza exclusively for tourists.

Waiting in line for San Marco Basilica with the other tourists.

Tourist tower in San Marco Square.

At this point I wanted to kill a tourist so our lovely front desk man recommended a restaurant in the quiet jewish quarter... it was lovely to be the only tourists there.

These stands are every ten feet in Venice selling the same crap... I officially hate those masks... only tourists buy them.

We started drinking at a tourist pub... met two lovely Toronto ladies... we were clearly drawn to each other... and had a blast... we closed the bar and bought several bottles of wine and drank them on the edge of the river... that night I drank two bottles of wine... seven pints of beer... and some of that wine was shamelessly mixed with coke.

We didn't eat those hot dogs... that's what you call tourist food... just three bottles of your cheapest tourist wine please.

This was the last picture we took before the Polizia (Police) showed up... apparently four Canadian drunks can get a little loud after all those drinks... we saw a giant rat... I peed in the river... the little police man caught one of the girls peeing in the alley... we're charming tourists... nobody was charged... he even let us finish the wine... no doubt he's used to drunken tourists.
The next day we took a five hour train ride to Genova both of us with a cheap wine hangover... it's beautiful here... I'm glad to get away from the tourists and be sitting here in a deluxe hotel room looking out on a square full of palm trees... eating cheese and tomatoes that taste like heaven... and once again drinking a beer... hair of the dog/tourist.

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