Florence!

So everyone knows Italy has great food... even if you haven't been here... but stay far away from there ginger soda... shit tastes like sticks in rubbing alcohol!

But ribollita on the other had is heaven in a bowl... it's a soup made with day old bread and vegetables... and the restaurant Za Za in Florence makes a great one! We've been twice since coming to Florence and I won't rule out a third time.

And yes the pasta... when I return to Canada I may never it pasta again... it takes an Italian 10 months to change a light bulb... but they make up for it with truffle linguini.

And just like everywhere in Europe... cheese is a right... this massive piece of parmesan cost $6... at home you would drop about $20 on it... and it literally melts in your mouth.

Huge statues with wieners EVERYWHERE!

Walking over the bridge in Florence... in the distance is Ponte Vecchio... the entire bridge is lined with goldsmiths.

We went to the market one morning and bought fresh pasta and sauce... our huge meal cost us about $13... I would become one fat man here.

We walked up to Piazza Michelangelo and watched the sunset and the police play games with the Africans selling illegal handbags... the police show up they runaway... the police leave they set backup... then they return two minutes later... hilarious!

More nude statues and me licking Davids' balls... this obviously isn't the real David... you can't take photos of him.

The Domo at night... it's fun to sit in the square and people watch.

So pizza is a staple... if you go a day without... you're missing out!

Ashley insisted we go to La Specola... and it's probably the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life... not in Europe... but the greatest thing I have ever laid my eyes upon... the weird thing is that it's completely empty... not a single tourist in sight... which was fine with me... no lines and no tour groups... half of the Specola is taxedermied animals made is the late 1800's... they have everything from a hippo to a dodo bird... the other half is wax mannequins used to teach medical students a few hundred years ago... if you go to Florence it is a must see!

So Italians have so of the most beautiful art in the world... but there system is completely archaic... you can wait in one line and pay the standard price... or you can pay more and get into a slightly faster line... or you can join a group with a guide and walk right inside... but the groups ruin the galleries here... as Ashley says, "If it isn't named after a Ninja Turtle they blow past it!"... crowding around the most important pieces of art and ruining it for all... they are mostly American (fuck you Rick Steves!)... and Asian... and the worst part is most of the people in those groups could careless about art... Italy needs to fix this asap... sometimes it shouldn't be about money... but I guess the mafia and Rick Steves need to make money somehow... there should be one line with one price.

Tourist Central

Ashley on the water bus in Venice drinking a watermelon smoothie... being a tourist... in the background there are several Russian, Chinese, Japanese and American children wail crying...  only one local was riding this boat... he was the driver... no doubt dreaming about crashing into a wall and killing us all.

After we departed the tourist boat we stopped at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum... she was also a tourist with a fancy modern art collection... the house was beautiful... and so were the gardens... she had more money than the average tourist.

Every few minutes a water bus would go by rammed with tourists... floating down the smelly river.

Ashley in a tourist free zone... being a tourist.

Around every corner there is a beautiful church full of tourists.

The tourists above now have hepatitis c from walking in flooded San Marco Square... this is the same water in the dirty river which I later urinated in... bad tourist!

This is me trying to digest the bad tourist food I just ate... Ashley got food poisoning from this fine establishment... proving that Italy does have bad pizza exclusively for tourists.

Waiting in line for San Marco Basilica with the other tourists.

Tourist tower in San Marco Square.

At this point I wanted to kill a tourist so our lovely front desk man recommended a restaurant in the quiet jewish quarter... it was lovely to be the only tourists there.

These stands are every ten feet in Venice selling the same crap... I officially hate those masks... only tourists buy them.

We started drinking at a tourist pub... met two lovely Toronto ladies... we were clearly drawn to each other... and had a blast... we closed the bar and bought several bottles of wine and drank them on the edge of the river... that night I drank two bottles of wine... seven pints of beer... and some of that wine was shamelessly mixed with coke.

We didn't eat those hot dogs... that's what you call tourist food... just three bottles of your cheapest tourist wine please.

This was the last picture we took before the Polizia (Police) showed up... apparently four Canadian drunks can get a little loud after all those drinks... we saw a giant rat... I peed in the river... the little police man caught one of the girls peeing in the alley... we're charming tourists... nobody was charged... he even let us finish the wine... no doubt he's used to drunken tourists.

The next day we took a five hour train ride to Genova both of us with a cheap wine hangover... it's beautiful here... I'm glad to get away from the tourists and be sitting here in a deluxe hotel room looking out on a square full of palm trees... eating cheese and tomatoes that taste like heaven... and once again drinking a beer... hair of the dog/tourist.

Venice!

So we have started our Italian vacation... we'll be stopping in Venice, Genova, Cinque Terre, Florence and Rome with a few day trips along the way ... right now we're in a hotel in Venice watching Italy's version of American Idol for kids... shame on us... but any kind of reality TV in other countries is kind of humorous... mainly because the cheesy plot is lost in translation.

First thoughts of Venice... tourist central... it smells... too many popped collars to count... yet the house wine is like a fine vintage in Canada... and I've finally experienced what pasta and gelato is supposed to taste like.

Tea Time in London!!!

So we're in London... trying to get the internet to work in Starbucks... which had it's windows smashed in the day before we came... because they have crappy internet no doubt... and we've ditched the giant car... they upgraded us... which sounds great... until you realize how much gas is in the UK... 80 pounds to fill the tank... in total we pumped 100 pounds in to the gutless beast... to give you the idea of our soccer mom mobile Ashley has posed with it below...

After we arrived in London and we checked into our glorious hotel... thanks to Ashley's Mum... I hit up Rough Trade and after we finally had good curry at Aladin on Brick Lane... check that... amazing curry...

Today was started with Pret A Manger... possible the best thing the english have ever invented... okay maybe universal healthcare...

Afterward we were off to the Museum of Natural History and learned about everything Darwin... including my close relation to monkeys...

Ashley liked the hippos...

And I bought a dinosaur hand puppet to amuse Bryson... and maybe myself...

And why come to Britain without stopping at a cheese shop... which is now fermenting just outside our window...

And Ashley had to buy a turban and I hit yet another record store... where I found a original... not re-released mind you... Donovan Universal Soldier 45... off to the pub... I forget what number we're on... and how many cordies I've seen.